You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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