I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
