Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize