it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
