so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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