Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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