Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
