Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm too high and old for this...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize