So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
