she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
