When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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