Sry I called you an 8
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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