Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
