tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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