I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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