Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
