Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
