Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well I just put wine in my tea
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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