i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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