"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
