I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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