i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
