Having a random hookup so left but love u
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize