my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
