shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
No subtext here. People are naked.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
