So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We were destined to go to rehab together
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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