Where did you get a picture of my penis
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
