Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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