He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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