I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The air taste purple.
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