im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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