One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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