i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
