Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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