So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
