i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
