he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
