This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
