So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
