for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
