The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize