They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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