Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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