why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
