i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
