I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
