I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
