he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
