spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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