Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
