My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
