my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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