I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
