Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
