Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
