You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
