hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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