Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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