college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
