guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
