saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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