okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
