Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize