I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
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